130 days since I started this blog, and indeed this whole marathon project, seems like such a long time ago. I had visions at that time of writing this post bathed in victory, sore but contented with the knowledge that I had put 26.2 miles behind me.
Sadly it didn't work out that way. After 15 miles in the sweltering heat, I started to flag, and every water station seemed to be further and further away. After 19 miles I didn't think I could run any more, and after 20.7 miles I found myself swerving around the road. I pulled over at a Red Cross Ambulance, and dazed in and out for an hour waiting for a paramedic. I remember lying there at some point almost in tears with frustration that my body couldn't handle the heat and that I would return home without having finished.
Since that point, I've done a lot of talking and a lot of thinking and I think I've got to a point where it makes sense. It still hurts that I didn't get round, but the more I think about it, the more I'm not sure if that was the point. I set out on this project with 3 aims; to pay tribute to Patrick by celebrating his memory, to raise as much money as possible for charity, and to run a marathon. I think I succeeded on the first two in a huge way. I've had so many emails and messages sharing thoughts and memories about Patrick that I want to find some way of putting them together in a book. I've now raised over £1700 for Epilepsy Research UK. And I pushed my body to it's limits, to the point where I couldn't physically run any more. So for that it's success, in my eyes.
This was brought home to me when I came back to my fundraising page this morning. I titled this project "26 miles for Patrick", with the thought that the marathon was the focus. In actual fact, I've run 4 or 5 times a week for the last 17 weeks, averaging around 25 miles a week, so in those terms, it's more like "400 miles for Patrick". I've spent so many hours out on the road, thinking about Patrick and keeping his memory going, and many more hours talking to people about him, people who never knew him, but now hold a little piece of him through me. And in that persepctive, what difference does 5.5 miles make? Here's to you, Patrick; a gentleman and a gentle man. Let you be remembered like that always.
Monday, 24 May 2010
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
17 days
So it's been a while since I've posted on here, and in some ways things have changed, and in some way they haven't.
Things that haven't changed: I'm still running, my feet and legs are still in (reasonably) good nick (touch wood!), my parkrun times hover obstinately around the 21:30 minute mark, my average speed on the road remains around 9 minutes a mile, I'm still juggling a busy worklife, social life, married life and running life (though to be honest I'll pleased when it's done!).
What has changed: the amount of money I've raised at www.justgiving.com/Ben-Wolfson which now stands at almost £1500...I'm very proud of myself (and money keeps trickling in!), the amount that I eat has risen dramatically, my sense of distance (more of which anon) and I think my belief in the reality of this project.
When I say sense of distance, it's more than just knowing how far a mile is, or how far it is to different parts of Leeds. I think it boils down to considering what is a reasonable run, and what counts as a different run. For example, last year, during my 1000 mile run, the longest I went for was around 7 miles, and I distinctly remember coming back from that one completely wiped out. When i started this training, I was really nervous all week about my first 9 mile run, and then the mental barrier (i.e. "oh my god, I don't think I'll hack that!") moved to 12 miles. That came and went, and I was stood in Jim and Claire's garden in a complete mess, covered in salt tracks. Then 15 miles with Harry, followed by an 18 miler soon after. I peaked in my training with 20 miles on Monday, and was surprised at how my mindset has changed. I got to half-way, and didn't feel too bad, and it didn't seem to have taken that long, even though just 2 months earlier, I had been bricking it about a total run of 9 miles. I think the knowledge that I could run 18 miles and be OK helped, cos i knew it would only be the final 2 miles that I needed to worry about, and in the end, 2 miles isn't so far. I guess that will be the same with the marathon, that I know what it feels like to run 20 miles, and then it's just (ha!) another 6 on top. I definitely feel for the first time like I'll be able to finish it, which if I'm honest, has always been a slight concern in the back of my mind. But now, it's definitely do-able. Even if I won't be able to move the next day.
Things that haven't changed: I'm still running, my feet and legs are still in (reasonably) good nick (touch wood!), my parkrun times hover obstinately around the 21:30 minute mark, my average speed on the road remains around 9 minutes a mile, I'm still juggling a busy worklife, social life, married life and running life (though to be honest I'll pleased when it's done!).
What has changed: the amount of money I've raised at www.justgiving.com/Ben-Wolfson which now stands at almost £1500...I'm very proud of myself (and money keeps trickling in!), the amount that I eat has risen dramatically, my sense of distance (more of which anon) and I think my belief in the reality of this project.
When I say sense of distance, it's more than just knowing how far a mile is, or how far it is to different parts of Leeds. I think it boils down to considering what is a reasonable run, and what counts as a different run. For example, last year, during my 1000 mile run, the longest I went for was around 7 miles, and I distinctly remember coming back from that one completely wiped out. When i started this training, I was really nervous all week about my first 9 mile run, and then the mental barrier (i.e. "oh my god, I don't think I'll hack that!") moved to 12 miles. That came and went, and I was stood in Jim and Claire's garden in a complete mess, covered in salt tracks. Then 15 miles with Harry, followed by an 18 miler soon after. I peaked in my training with 20 miles on Monday, and was surprised at how my mindset has changed. I got to half-way, and didn't feel too bad, and it didn't seem to have taken that long, even though just 2 months earlier, I had been bricking it about a total run of 9 miles. I think the knowledge that I could run 18 miles and be OK helped, cos i knew it would only be the final 2 miles that I needed to worry about, and in the end, 2 miles isn't so far. I guess that will be the same with the marathon, that I know what it feels like to run 20 miles, and then it's just (ha!) another 6 on top. I definitely feel for the first time like I'll be able to finish it, which if I'm honest, has always been a slight concern in the back of my mind. But now, it's definitely do-able. Even if I won't be able to move the next day.
Sunday, 11 April 2010
41 days
It seems only appropriate to write on here today, as it's one year ago I got the worst phone call from my mother. We were on holiday with a group of friends in the Lake District, and we had literally just arrived and unpacked our stuff. I almost didn't take the call as we had lots of things to do and sort out, and it just knocked me out. I cried so hard that I couldn't speak for ages, panicking Kelsey no end. The rest of the holiday was a bit of a wash out, as I was still reeling from the shock. To be honest, I think I still am. I've just been on his facebook page, and people are still remembering and thinking about him. It still doesn't quite seem real, that if I tried to text or call him, he wouldn't respond.
It's been an odd day, in sorts, and completely normal in other respects. I ran 18 miles with Harry today, and we talked about him a lot, and it was great being able to talk out loud about it (even though my breathing was kinda ragged at that point!). We then had a usual Sunday get together, stuffing ourselves with food and friends. I know it sounds weird, but I think that's the best tribute that I can pay to Patrick. Of course it's important to take some private time, and share your memories and thoughts with people, but Patrick in my mind was always such a social person, very people orientated, that it made sense to honour his memory by getting people together. We're also putting the final touches together for a second cousin's day in August, which I think again is another important way of remembering him. If nothing else good has come from this, I think it has made us all realise the importance of family and keeping in touch. Today is the first day for a long time that I've spoken to every branch of my family, for a short chat at least, and whilst we didn't talk about Patrick that much, it was very much a series of verbal hugs, making sure our bonds are still close. I know that I'm not that great at keeping in touch with my family, which I think drives them a little crazy, but I think over this last year I've made a bit more of an effort (getting people to read family emails definitely helps, as I'm not the best phone talker!). So Patrick's memory lives on through people's thoughts and actions, and in this way so does Patrick.
It's been an odd day, in sorts, and completely normal in other respects. I ran 18 miles with Harry today, and we talked about him a lot, and it was great being able to talk out loud about it (even though my breathing was kinda ragged at that point!). We then had a usual Sunday get together, stuffing ourselves with food and friends. I know it sounds weird, but I think that's the best tribute that I can pay to Patrick. Of course it's important to take some private time, and share your memories and thoughts with people, but Patrick in my mind was always such a social person, very people orientated, that it made sense to honour his memory by getting people together. We're also putting the final touches together for a second cousin's day in August, which I think again is another important way of remembering him. If nothing else good has come from this, I think it has made us all realise the importance of family and keeping in touch. Today is the first day for a long time that I've spoken to every branch of my family, for a short chat at least, and whilst we didn't talk about Patrick that much, it was very much a series of verbal hugs, making sure our bonds are still close. I know that I'm not that great at keeping in touch with my family, which I think drives them a little crazy, but I think over this last year I've made a bit more of an effort (getting people to read family emails definitely helps, as I'm not the best phone talker!). So Patrick's memory lives on through people's thoughts and actions, and in this way so does Patrick.
Monday, 22 March 2010
61 days
A long time since my last post on here, and a lot has changed since then. I think the biggest news is that I’ve smashed my £1,000 target, and I’ve set my self a new goal of £1,500. The fundraising side of it has calmed down a bit, but there’s still a few more pockets of people (Kelsey’s family and my school to name but two) who I still need to pester.
It feels good to have that much support for this run, and support is crucial right now as the runs are becoming longer and the training becomes more intensive. Instead of just getting out and hitting the road 3 times during the week, the schedule is now calling for fartlek training (a heart attack in a can, sprinting then walking then jogging then sprinting, repeat until you can’t run any more), hill runs (I’m using my hill; for those who have been to our house, you’ll know how difficult that one is!) and speed variations. It’s never more than 6 miles or so, so it doesn’t eat too much into the evening, but at the same time, it’s a lot more hard work, so I feel more tired when I get back.
It does however make a difference to my running stamina and speed. My P.B. for the Leeds parkrun is just over 21 minutes, down by over 4 minutes when I started doing it in January. I also ran 15 miles (my furthest ever distance!) yesterday with Harry, and whilst my feet blistered a bit and my back aches today, we weren’t out of breath and were feeling like we could have run a few miles more. It’s interesting to see how the short runs in the week actually build up your endurance even though it doesn’t feel like you’re going very far at all!
The 15 miles also represents a bit of a milestone, in that it’s the first time where I’ve run over half way. Up till now, it’s been 25% or 40% of the marathon, whilst 15 miles is almost 60%, meaning that at that point I would have less to run than I already had done, if that makes sense. Whilst I’m not sure that I could have done another 11 miles on Sunday, the 26.2 mile total feels more realistic and much less scary.
The other main push that I have, apart from the fundraising support, is Patrick sort of sitting on my shoulder. I know that this is a Patrick that I’ve created, and one that my brain wants to be there to push me on, but it really helps to focus me on days when I’d really rather just be at home. It’s coming up to a year now, and I still can’t believe how raw it feels for a lot of people. His mother and I are in contact a lot, and I feel like she’s torn between wanting to find out more about the people who have shared memories with me, and hiding it away because it’s still painful to think about. In a way, I think the same is true for the rest of the family. We do talk about him, but not frequently, but enough to know that people are still grieving and remembering. Running gives me that space to think, and remember, so it seems fitting that Patrick is the voice in my head telling me to lace up my shoes and go sprint to the top of the hill and for that I’m grateful.
It feels good to have that much support for this run, and support is crucial right now as the runs are becoming longer and the training becomes more intensive. Instead of just getting out and hitting the road 3 times during the week, the schedule is now calling for fartlek training (a heart attack in a can, sprinting then walking then jogging then sprinting, repeat until you can’t run any more), hill runs (I’m using my hill; for those who have been to our house, you’ll know how difficult that one is!) and speed variations. It’s never more than 6 miles or so, so it doesn’t eat too much into the evening, but at the same time, it’s a lot more hard work, so I feel more tired when I get back.
It does however make a difference to my running stamina and speed. My P.B. for the Leeds parkrun is just over 21 minutes, down by over 4 minutes when I started doing it in January. I also ran 15 miles (my furthest ever distance!) yesterday with Harry, and whilst my feet blistered a bit and my back aches today, we weren’t out of breath and were feeling like we could have run a few miles more. It’s interesting to see how the short runs in the week actually build up your endurance even though it doesn’t feel like you’re going very far at all!
The 15 miles also represents a bit of a milestone, in that it’s the first time where I’ve run over half way. Up till now, it’s been 25% or 40% of the marathon, whilst 15 miles is almost 60%, meaning that at that point I would have less to run than I already had done, if that makes sense. Whilst I’m not sure that I could have done another 11 miles on Sunday, the 26.2 mile total feels more realistic and much less scary.
The other main push that I have, apart from the fundraising support, is Patrick sort of sitting on my shoulder. I know that this is a Patrick that I’ve created, and one that my brain wants to be there to push me on, but it really helps to focus me on days when I’d really rather just be at home. It’s coming up to a year now, and I still can’t believe how raw it feels for a lot of people. His mother and I are in contact a lot, and I feel like she’s torn between wanting to find out more about the people who have shared memories with me, and hiding it away because it’s still painful to think about. In a way, I think the same is true for the rest of the family. We do talk about him, but not frequently, but enough to know that people are still grieving and remembering. Running gives me that space to think, and remember, so it seems fitting that Patrick is the voice in my head telling me to lace up my shoes and go sprint to the top of the hill and for that I’m grateful.
Friday, 12 February 2010
99 days
So less than 100 days to go, and I start my official training next week. I have been getting out 5 times a week so far, so I was feeling well prepared for what's coming up. The schedule that I'm going to be following has been safely saved on my computer for the last couple of months, unopened after one quick reading when I first found it. It's taken me till this week to actually sit down and have a proper read of it, and it makes for some scary reading. The weekdays don't seem to be too bad, with a couple of short (anywhere between 5 and 8 miles) mixed with some sprint or hill training. The weekends ask for a short 25 minute burst on Saturday (which will coincide nicely with my Parkrunning, more of which in a moment), and then the long runs on Sunday. Week 1 starts off at 9 miles, and only increases from there. The longest will be 20 miles 3 weeks before, but this is the weekend that we're in Paris, so I may have to jig the timetable a little. As much as I love running abroad, I don't think I'm going to be great company after running for 3 hours or so! All in all, it looks pretty hardcore. I knew that training for a marathon was going to be hard, but the reality of it seems much more daunting than my imagination! I'm going to need a lot of support to get me through this, I think.
Having mentioned Parkrun before, I should bring you up to date on my progress. The first week I ran 24.15, without music and without a hoodie, the second week 24.45 with water, hoodie and music, and last week I ran 25.36 with water, hoodie, glove and music. To be fair, in the last run, I was very conscious of the fact that I tend to run fast at the beginning as my competitive tendencies to overtake other people kick in, so I deliberately put my head down and tried to keep a sensible pace. This meant I could pretty much sprint the last lap, which was satisfying, but coming in that far behind my fastest time makes me think I could run a bit faster for the first half. It's also got me thinking whether, contrary to my current belief, I actually run quicker without music. I've just been out sprinting up my hill (when I say sprinting, I mean just about managing to run to the top), and my headphones stopped working after the first rep. Whilst music makes the time go quickly, without it I'm more in tune with my breathing, and I try to keep my breathing and my pace in sync. With this in mind, I'm going to try tomorrow's Parkrun without music, to test my theory out! Wish me luck!
Having mentioned Parkrun before, I should bring you up to date on my progress. The first week I ran 24.15, without music and without a hoodie, the second week 24.45 with water, hoodie and music, and last week I ran 25.36 with water, hoodie, glove and music. To be fair, in the last run, I was very conscious of the fact that I tend to run fast at the beginning as my competitive tendencies to overtake other people kick in, so I deliberately put my head down and tried to keep a sensible pace. This meant I could pretty much sprint the last lap, which was satisfying, but coming in that far behind my fastest time makes me think I could run a bit faster for the first half. It's also got me thinking whether, contrary to my current belief, I actually run quicker without music. I've just been out sprinting up my hill (when I say sprinting, I mean just about managing to run to the top), and my headphones stopped working after the first rep. Whilst music makes the time go quickly, without it I'm more in tune with my breathing, and I try to keep my breathing and my pace in sync. With this in mind, I'm going to try tomorrow's Parkrun without music, to test my theory out! Wish me luck!
Sunday, 24 January 2010
118 days
I settle down to write this after my 4th run this week. Admittedly I'm only going for 3 miles at a time, but today I didn't really notice it. Time to aim for 4 miles next week! The biggest change however is the massive increase in my fundraising total. In just 11 days I've managed to raise the £500 that Epilepsy Research UK set me, and I still have 17 weeks till M-Day.
It's been a very humbling experience reading through the names and comments on the justgiving site (www.justgiving.com/Ben-Wolfson in case you haven't donated yet!). There are people on there who donated because they're close family, and want a way to commemorate Patrick, there are my friends and work colleagues on there who want to show support, and then there are the people whose names I don't recognise, but who all say how much they miss Patrick and how they like the idea of being able to remember him like this. I've made it my mission to contact each and every one of these people (fortunately the website asks for your email when you donate) and ask them how they know Patrick and if they want to share memories of him. So far, I've got a 100% response rate (which is both surprising and unsurprising at the same time) and I also have a 100% rate for not really reading the emails. I sat down this evening with the intention of reading them, and I've skim-read 2, but at the same time it's going to be hard. Part of me thinks that almost a year on, thinking about and talking about Patrick would be easy, or easier at least. It isn't. His death is still very raw to me, and part of me feels relieved that it is still raw for others too. Each one tells a different side of this wonderful man, some are his university friends, some are relatives on his biological mother's side, and all talk about how friendly and gregarious he was, and how much they miss him. I want to collect all of these emails and comments and do something with them, but the only things I can think of (e.g. making a book) seem morbid or inappropriate. Any ideas?
In terms of the running, it's really good to be getting out there again. I didn't realise how much I missed it till today, when I had a lazy day, then went out for a short run because I could. Yesterday I went running with Mike Higgins, my long time on-off running partner at the Leeds parkrun (www.parkrun.com). When I say running with Mike, I mean we chatted on the way there and at the start line, and then I watched him gracefully bound through Hyde Park as I struggled round the 5k course. I remember a time when we'd run at the same speed, talking and nattering for miles on end. I guess I've not really run since August last year, so I'm feeling a bit sluggish, but I'd like to get back to being able to run alongside him again. Anyway, the 5k is timed with the results being posted online, so watch this space! I'll put my times on here and facebook, hopefully my time will drop over the weeks!
Right. 4 miles a run, 5 days next week. 3 weeks to go till official marathon training starts. 17 weeks today till the marathon itself. Bring it on!
It's been a very humbling experience reading through the names and comments on the justgiving site (www.justgiving.com/Ben-Wolfson in case you haven't donated yet!). There are people on there who donated because they're close family, and want a way to commemorate Patrick, there are my friends and work colleagues on there who want to show support, and then there are the people whose names I don't recognise, but who all say how much they miss Patrick and how they like the idea of being able to remember him like this. I've made it my mission to contact each and every one of these people (fortunately the website asks for your email when you donate) and ask them how they know Patrick and if they want to share memories of him. So far, I've got a 100% response rate (which is both surprising and unsurprising at the same time) and I also have a 100% rate for not really reading the emails. I sat down this evening with the intention of reading them, and I've skim-read 2, but at the same time it's going to be hard. Part of me thinks that almost a year on, thinking about and talking about Patrick would be easy, or easier at least. It isn't. His death is still very raw to me, and part of me feels relieved that it is still raw for others too. Each one tells a different side of this wonderful man, some are his university friends, some are relatives on his biological mother's side, and all talk about how friendly and gregarious he was, and how much they miss him. I want to collect all of these emails and comments and do something with them, but the only things I can think of (e.g. making a book) seem morbid or inappropriate. Any ideas?
In terms of the running, it's really good to be getting out there again. I didn't realise how much I missed it till today, when I had a lazy day, then went out for a short run because I could. Yesterday I went running with Mike Higgins, my long time on-off running partner at the Leeds parkrun (www.parkrun.com). When I say running with Mike, I mean we chatted on the way there and at the start line, and then I watched him gracefully bound through Hyde Park as I struggled round the 5k course. I remember a time when we'd run at the same speed, talking and nattering for miles on end. I guess I've not really run since August last year, so I'm feeling a bit sluggish, but I'd like to get back to being able to run alongside him again. Anyway, the 5k is timed with the results being posted online, so watch this space! I'll put my times on here and facebook, hopefully my time will drop over the weeks!
Right. 4 miles a run, 5 days next week. 3 weeks to go till official marathon training starts. 17 weeks today till the marathon itself. Bring it on!
Saturday, 16 January 2010
126 days
So lots to think about today. First of all, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has sponsored me so far, including the first American donation! It just brought a tear to my eye seeing the messages of support already on the just giving page (www.justgiving.com/Ben-Wolfson), as well as a awesome sum raised already! It's starting to seem more real now, even more real than on Wednesday when I set up the pages. I guess part of it is that I've started to talk to people about it (up till now it's been Christmas and New Year, and helping Phil fundraise for his trip) and looking at training schedules etc.
I'm not sure whether I'm nervous or excited about it. I've put in running time like this before, doing the 1000 mile run last year, and I've certainly exercised for longer periods of time, breaking the world record. I think it's the thought of putting those two together, and the thought that the furthest I've ever run in one stretch is 13 miles. Going for my first run of 2010 put things into perspective as well. To be fair, it was only 2.5 miles to go pick the car up from Jim and Claire's house, but it felt a lot longer. That may have had something to do with the sleet, the cold, the ice (oh and the hangover), but I managed it in one stretch, and felt pretty positive about it. I've got until the middle of Feb to get up to running for 40 minutes non stop (about 4-5 miles) to start the training, so that combined with swimming and badminton should be a reasonable target. It will just be a matter of finding time (and motivation!)
So that's that for now. I'll keep pestering people to donate, starting with an email to my family and friends in the states, and start running in ernest now that the ice has melted. Keep coming back fr more info!
I'm not sure whether I'm nervous or excited about it. I've put in running time like this before, doing the 1000 mile run last year, and I've certainly exercised for longer periods of time, breaking the world record. I think it's the thought of putting those two together, and the thought that the furthest I've ever run in one stretch is 13 miles. Going for my first run of 2010 put things into perspective as well. To be fair, it was only 2.5 miles to go pick the car up from Jim and Claire's house, but it felt a lot longer. That may have had something to do with the sleet, the cold, the ice (oh and the hangover), but I managed it in one stretch, and felt pretty positive about it. I've got until the middle of Feb to get up to running for 40 minutes non stop (about 4-5 miles) to start the training, so that combined with swimming and badminton should be a reasonable target. It will just be a matter of finding time (and motivation!)
So that's that for now. I'll keep pestering people to donate, starting with an email to my family and friends in the states, and start running in ernest now that the ice has melted. Keep coming back fr more info!
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